So my son has pretended to be Spidy and in doing so, has shut down the escalator. As much as I would love to report the story ends with the escalator, it does not. During my reminder to Spidy of my "no jumping off elevated surfaces while indoors" rule, I spot a clearance rack of beautiful dresses. Our church would soon be hosting a formal and I needed a dress. We were there and I figured I had already had my embarrassing moment for the day.
The boys and I move to the rack so I can take a quick look-see. Wouldn't you know, there were loads of dresses in my size. How wonderful! The day is going to take a turn for the better. I gather up some of my favorite finds and off we go to the fitting room.
There are two fitting rooms from which I can choose. The first is tiny. It would definitely be a tight. The second is a much larger room equipped with an actual floor-to-ceiling door. I opt for that one so I don't have to worry about the boys peaking at the neighbor under the dividers. Yes, this option is perfect. It's basically a large closet with plenty of room for the boys, me, and all the dresses.
By this point, the quick trip to the mall is taking much longer than expected. The boys, being the ingenious creatures they are, begin to entertain themselves. It starts off with web shooting noises and quickly progresses to (pretend) wall clinging, just like Spidy. They're not hurting anything so I let it continue.
Soon, the pretend play escalates into "wall jumping" complete sound effects. The boys are having a blast "swinging" from wall to wall inside the dressing room and I'm having a blast trying on dresses. At this point, the boys are basically running around me in a circle from one wall to another, hitting each wall as they go. There's a thud with each hit but it's not hurting anyone so I let it go.
After a minute or so of their pretend play, there's a knock on the door from a sales associate.
"Is everything okay in there?"
"Yes," I reply.
She continues, "I heard thudding and noticed it was coming from the handicapped fitting room. Are you sure you don't need assistance ma'am? I have an additional associate with me to help."
Thank the Lord I'm behind a closed door. My face was beet red as I replied, "Um, yes. I'm okay. The thudding you hear are my boys. We're all fine and we'll be leaving as soon as I dress."
Lessons learned:
1. I have developed the ability to tune out the sounds of my children.
2. The sounds of my boys are louder than I realize.
3. A quick trip to the mall does not involve a fitting room.
4. The spacious fitting rooms are usually for those with a handicap.
5. The sales associates at JCPenny's will notice if you're in distress in a fitting room.
January 16, 2009
Trip to JCPenny's - Part I
I don't know why, but every now and again I get the notion that I can do certain things with kids in tow. I convince myself of things like, "It won't be a big deal to take my two sons to the mall so I can make a quick return." With this delusional thought in mind, I head out with my two boys.
Once there, I park the car and lay down the law before we exit the vehicle. I review things like basic human courtesies and appropriate out-and-about behavior. We then head into the store.
We pass the escalator on the way to the appropriate department and the kids beg to ride the "ex-ka-later". I see this as an opportunity to offer a reward if they behave themselves. I make the necessary return and the boys are behaving beautifully so off to the escalator we go.
Up, up, up. That was fun. Now let's go down.
We climb on immediately followed by a mom, her teen daughter and her friend. We're halfway down and my older son crouches down with his hands on the step between his feet. My younger son starts screaming, "You're going to get your hands caught! You're going to get your hands caught!"
Between frantic yells from the (then) 3-year old, I intervene and tell the older boy to stand up. We're almost to the bottom at this point. Instead of simply standing up like any normal person, my older son leaps from the step and lands on the large metal landing at the bottom in the same crouched position.
The sudden thud shuts down the escalator. The mom, daughter and teen, along with myself and my younger son all continue to shift forward and down even though the stairs have stopped moving. We catch ourselves to keep from falling over. The teens almost spill their coffee drinks on us but think the whole thing is hilarious. The other mom and I do not.
As if the thunderous sound of my son hitting the landing and the sudden stop of the stairs isn't enough, my 3-year old yells, "Mommy, he broke the ex-ka-later!"
The heat is rising within and I feel it in my face. I grab my youngest by the hand and walk down the remaining stairs. I take the older boy by the hand and we high-tail it out of there.
I locate a quiet area and sternly ask the older boy why on earth he had just done what he did. With big green eyes and heart-felt sincerity he replies, "I was being Spidy (Spiderman)."
Lessons learned:
1. Escalators shut off when blunt force is applied to the landing.
2. Bodies continue in motion when the escalator stops moving. It's best to keep a buffer zone between you and the others on the stairs.
3. Little boys do not have the ability to control themselves if the opportunity to act out a superhero move presents itself.
4. Little boys can melt your heart ...and your anger.
Once there, I park the car and lay down the law before we exit the vehicle. I review things like basic human courtesies and appropriate out-and-about behavior. We then head into the store.
We pass the escalator on the way to the appropriate department and the kids beg to ride the "ex-ka-later". I see this as an opportunity to offer a reward if they behave themselves. I make the necessary return and the boys are behaving beautifully so off to the escalator we go.
Up, up, up. That was fun. Now let's go down.
We climb on immediately followed by a mom, her teen daughter and her friend. We're halfway down and my older son crouches down with his hands on the step between his feet. My younger son starts screaming, "You're going to get your hands caught! You're going to get your hands caught!"
Between frantic yells from the (then) 3-year old, I intervene and tell the older boy to stand up. We're almost to the bottom at this point. Instead of simply standing up like any normal person, my older son leaps from the step and lands on the large metal landing at the bottom in the same crouched position.
The sudden thud shuts down the escalator. The mom, daughter and teen, along with myself and my younger son all continue to shift forward and down even though the stairs have stopped moving. We catch ourselves to keep from falling over. The teens almost spill their coffee drinks on us but think the whole thing is hilarious. The other mom and I do not.
As if the thunderous sound of my son hitting the landing and the sudden stop of the stairs isn't enough, my 3-year old yells, "Mommy, he broke the ex-ka-later!"
The heat is rising within and I feel it in my face. I grab my youngest by the hand and walk down the remaining stairs. I take the older boy by the hand and we high-tail it out of there.
I locate a quiet area and sternly ask the older boy why on earth he had just done what he did. With big green eyes and heart-felt sincerity he replies, "I was being Spidy (Spiderman)."
Lessons learned:
1. Escalators shut off when blunt force is applied to the landing.
2. Bodies continue in motion when the escalator stops moving. It's best to keep a buffer zone between you and the others on the stairs.
3. Little boys do not have the ability to control themselves if the opportunity to act out a superhero move presents itself.
4. Little boys can melt your heart ...and your anger.
Do NOT Wash Your Hands at My House
It seems there is always someone sick with something in our family. I suppose that's to be expected with four young kids. After several weeks of passing colds around and a fresh restoration to health, I scheduled a playdate for my kids.
The morning of the visit, I frantically rushed around to tidy up the house after breakfast. It was just about time for the friends to arrive as I passed the guest bathroom. I noticed something smeared on the bar of soap. This is a common occurrence in our home. Usually it's paint, food, or toothpaste. I know this isn't great but I let it go for the time being to attend to more pressing matters. As often occurs, I got side-tracked and forgot to replace the soap before the friends arrived.
The guests came and played for the morning and all had a great visit. Just before they left, my son bursts into the room to announce he's not feeling good. I sent him to the bathroom because, as I've learned, kids either spew or poo when there's a belly ache. This time it was spew.
I, of course, felt terrible. I never would have opened my home to my friend and her young children if I had known we were still harboring illness. She gathered up her youngsters and headed to the restroom before they left. That cued the memory of the soap. I warned her about the soap and how it was smeared with something I assumed was peanut butter from lunch packing.
She exited the restroom and my son returned for another spew session. After the goodbyes, I rushed in to the bathroom to assist my ill child. He finished up and we moved to the sink to wash up. I finally got a better look at the soap. The smeared substance certainly wasn't peanut butter like I thought. No, this was green. There was so much green I then thought it was paint. But we hadn't done any painting in a while. No, it definitely wasn't paint. I bent over for a closer look. "What is that?" I thought.
My heart sank as I realized what it was. It was SNOT and it was everywhere! I've never seen that much snot before. It was on the soap, the faucet and in the sink of my guest bathroom. Worse, it was there when my friend and her children used the bathroom! Worse still, this was the same friend whose toilet my other son had clogged to the point her bathroom flooded. Mercy!
I'm pretty sure the number one reason God has given me kids is to teach me humility.
Lessons learned:
1. A good friend remains your friend after you expose her kids to an absurd amount of virus-ridden mucus.
2. A really, really good friend remains a friend after you expose her kids to virus and flood her bathroom.
3. A little nose CAN produce enough snot to cover a bar of soap, the faucet handle and a large portion of the sink.
4. I need to switch to liquid soap.
The morning of the visit, I frantically rushed around to tidy up the house after breakfast. It was just about time for the friends to arrive as I passed the guest bathroom. I noticed something smeared on the bar of soap. This is a common occurrence in our home. Usually it's paint, food, or toothpaste. I know this isn't great but I let it go for the time being to attend to more pressing matters. As often occurs, I got side-tracked and forgot to replace the soap before the friends arrived.
The guests came and played for the morning and all had a great visit. Just before they left, my son bursts into the room to announce he's not feeling good. I sent him to the bathroom because, as I've learned, kids either spew or poo when there's a belly ache. This time it was spew.
I, of course, felt terrible. I never would have opened my home to my friend and her young children if I had known we were still harboring illness. She gathered up her youngsters and headed to the restroom before they left. That cued the memory of the soap. I warned her about the soap and how it was smeared with something I assumed was peanut butter from lunch packing.
She exited the restroom and my son returned for another spew session. After the goodbyes, I rushed in to the bathroom to assist my ill child. He finished up and we moved to the sink to wash up. I finally got a better look at the soap. The smeared substance certainly wasn't peanut butter like I thought. No, this was green. There was so much green I then thought it was paint. But we hadn't done any painting in a while. No, it definitely wasn't paint. I bent over for a closer look. "What is that?" I thought.
My heart sank as I realized what it was. It was SNOT and it was everywhere! I've never seen that much snot before. It was on the soap, the faucet and in the sink of my guest bathroom. Worse, it was there when my friend and her children used the bathroom! Worse still, this was the same friend whose toilet my other son had clogged to the point her bathroom flooded. Mercy!
I'm pretty sure the number one reason God has given me kids is to teach me humility.
Lessons learned:
1. A good friend remains your friend after you expose her kids to an absurd amount of virus-ridden mucus.
2. A really, really good friend remains a friend after you expose her kids to virus and flood her bathroom.
3. A little nose CAN produce enough snot to cover a bar of soap, the faucet handle and a large portion of the sink.
4. I need to switch to liquid soap.
The Party of Utter Embarrassment
The following isn't for readers who don't discuss bodily functions. (I used to be like that.) ........
The kids and I recently attended a friend's birthday party. The place was crowded with people. In the midst of the fun, my son comes running up to me saying his belly hurts. I tell him we need to go home if he's sick. Ironically, he says he's not sick after all and runs off to play with the other kids.
Shortly after that, he returns and loudly announces, "I have to go poop." I escort him to the bathroom where he spends the next 20 minutes taking care of business. Finally he shouts out, "I'm all done poopin'!"
I enter the bathroom to assist. We flush the toilet and turn to wash hands. As we're drying our hands, I hear the toilet contents running onto the bathroom floor. OH NO!
I jiggle the lever to get the water to stop running but it won't! The toilet continues to run, pouring the contents onto the floor! I whip off the lid to lift the thing-a-ma-bob in the tank that makes the water stop running. Shwew. That worked.
Now, to clear the pipes I need a plunger. I drop the thing in the tank to search for a plunger but the toilet quickly overflows again. Geez! What do I do?
There I am, a guest in a friend's home, my hand in a toilet that's overflowed, stuff all over the floor, and I can't find a plunger. My son stands there watching the events unfold and then turns to saunter off to play. I call out to him to find the host to request help. He's reluctant to obey but gives me the token, "Yes, Mommy."
My son enters the adjacent room that's crowded with guests and to my horror says, "My mom needs help. She broke your toilet and there's stuff all over the floor."
Lessons learned:
1. A good friend will invite you back after your child's duty hits their floor.
2. It's a good thing to know how to shut off the water on a toilet.
3. Children with belly aches usually mean one of two things: they're going to vomit or they're going to poop.
The kids and I recently attended a friend's birthday party. The place was crowded with people. In the midst of the fun, my son comes running up to me saying his belly hurts. I tell him we need to go home if he's sick. Ironically, he says he's not sick after all and runs off to play with the other kids.
Shortly after that, he returns and loudly announces, "I have to go poop." I escort him to the bathroom where he spends the next 20 minutes taking care of business. Finally he shouts out, "I'm all done poopin'!"
I enter the bathroom to assist. We flush the toilet and turn to wash hands. As we're drying our hands, I hear the toilet contents running onto the bathroom floor. OH NO!
I jiggle the lever to get the water to stop running but it won't! The toilet continues to run, pouring the contents onto the floor! I whip off the lid to lift the thing-a-ma-bob in the tank that makes the water stop running. Shwew. That worked.
Now, to clear the pipes I need a plunger. I drop the thing in the tank to search for a plunger but the toilet quickly overflows again. Geez! What do I do?
There I am, a guest in a friend's home, my hand in a toilet that's overflowed, stuff all over the floor, and I can't find a plunger. My son stands there watching the events unfold and then turns to saunter off to play. I call out to him to find the host to request help. He's reluctant to obey but gives me the token, "Yes, Mommy."
My son enters the adjacent room that's crowded with guests and to my horror says, "My mom needs help. She broke your toilet and there's stuff all over the floor."
Lessons learned:
1. A good friend will invite you back after your child's duty hits their floor.
2. It's a good thing to know how to shut off the water on a toilet.
3. Children with belly aches usually mean one of two things: they're going to vomit or they're going to poop.
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